Saturday, February 25, 2012

Weekend Update

Anticipating the loss of their biggest star, Donald Chump, when he threatens to run for prez one time too many, NBC has announced a new series, VAGINA COP, starring the handsome Governor of Virginia Billy Bob McDuck. 

According to the pilot script now under consideration, the clean-cut hero (McDuck) gets himself into a pickle when he believes he's signed up to be a Virginia Cop, but instead finds himself on the special task force tasked with forcing women to get ultrasound exams, and especially to pay for them: the VAGINA COPs.  He "heads" a crack investigation unit to detect when women are really being raped or really not pregnant or really trying to get abortions though they pretend to want mammograms and birth control devices.  Even then, the VAGINIA COPS must enforce the zygote is a person law so they're on the lookout for illegal birth control pills, and the drug offenders who take them, or purchase them, or sell them.  Once the federal laws are passed they can just be sent to Gitmo, but for now, it's all about police work.

Also starring in VAGINA COPS is Richie Richney as the stuffy arrogant Captain who does everything by the book, always says the wrong things when he's trying to be one of the guys, and generally gets everything wrong.  In the first episode he spends all morning deciding which of his cars to drive to work, and then gets angry because the trees he passes "are all the wrong height."

 The cops in his command make fun of him, led by the cheerful bad boy of the VAGINIA COPs, played by Casino Newt Gingles.  He thinks everybody is out to get him, but he doesn't actually care.  Newt's partner is the straight arrow of the outfit, played by Little Ricky Sanctimonious, who believes being a VAGINA COP is a high moral calling.  Watch the fun as Newt plays one practical joke after another on Ricky--who falls for them every time.

McDuck is the new guy in the unit and he must deal with all the old timers, including the most mysterious one--a cop with a past in the organized crime unit and a bad reputation who is trying to salvage his career as a VAGINA COP--that is, if he doesn't eat himself to death first.  The character called Sipowitz is played by the godfather of Jersey Shore, Crisp Crispie.  

The network is unsure whether to bill VAGINA COP as a comedy or a tragedy.  Rumors that Lawrence O'Donnell is producing can't yet be confirmed.  

In other news--and I bookmarked this before Rachel did it--a Georgia Democratic state legislator proposed another form of birth control be outlawed--vasectomies.

And to make this week complete, when asked what segment of the electorate that voted for President Obama the GOPer candidates are trying to take away, journalist Joe Klein deadpanned: "They're doing great with that segment of young voters who are opposed to contraception."

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